Kindness to Parents in Islam: What the Qur'an and Sunnah Teach

It places kindness to parents directly after the worship of Allah. Qur'an 17:23 decrees that you worship none but Him and show kindness to parents, and that if one or both reach old age with you, you should not say even 'Fie' to them or repulse them, but speak to them graciously. Qur'an 17:24 continues: lower to them the wing of submission through mercy, and pray for mercy on them as they cared for you when you were little.

Qur'an 4:36 pairs serving Allah without partners with kindness to parents, followed by relatives, orphans, the needy and neighbours. Qur'an 31:14 and 46:15 recall the mother's burden in pregnancy and nursing and tell people to give thanks to Allah and to their parents. Birr al-walidayn, the Arabic name for this duty, means goodness and dutiful care; as SeekersGuidance puts it, parents have a right to be treated well and obeyed in general matters, which is broader than obedience alone.

Sources: [1] [2] [3] [4] [23]

Because the Prophet ranked it among the deeds Allah loves most. In Sahih al-Bukhari 5970, asked which deed Allah loves most, he named prayer at its proper time, then being good and dutiful to parents, then striving in Allah's cause. When a man asked to join a military expedition, Sahih al-Bukhari 5972 records the Prophet asking whether his parents were alive and telling him to strive in their service.

Neglecting parents is correspondingly serious. Sahih al-Bukhari 5976 lists being undutiful to parents, 'uquq al-walidayn, straight after associating partners with Allah among the greatest sins, and Sahih al-Bukhari 5973 warns that insulting other people's parents, so that they insult yours, counts as cursing your own. Sahih Muslim 2551a describes as humbled into dust the person whose parents reach old age in his lifetime and who still does not enter Paradise through them.

Sources: [10] [11] [12] [13] [14]

The mother is named first, three times. In Sahih al-Bukhari 5971 a man asked who most deserved his good companionship, and the Prophet answered 'your mother' three times before saying 'your father'. Qur'an 31:14 describes a mother bearing her child in weakness upon weakness, and Qur'an 46:15 speaks of pregnancy and weaning lasting thirty months.

In Sunan an-Nasa'i 3104, graded sahih (Darussalam) on sunnah.com, a man who wanted to go out and fight is told to stay with his mother, for Paradise is beneath her feet. None of this lessens the father's rights: both parents are owed kindness, and the texts give particular weight to the care a mother gives.

Sources: [15] [3] [4] [16]

With the same kindness and good relations. In Sahih al-Bukhari 2620, Asma bint Abi Bakr asked whether to keep good relations with her mother, who was not Muslim and had come to see her, and the Prophet told her to keep good relations with her. Qur'an 31:15 tells a believer not to obey parents who urge them to associate partners with Allah, yet to keep company with them in this world kindly, and Qur'an 60:8 allows kindness and justice towards those who have not fought Muslims over religion.

Practical duties continue as well. A Hanafi answer from Darul Iftaa Leicester quotes al-Fatawa al-Hindiyya that a wealthy child must support poor parents, whether or not they are Muslim. New Muslims in particular can show their faith at home through patience, respect and service, while keeping to their own practice.

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No. Parents are owed kindness and respect in every case, and obedience in what is good, but not obedience in sin. Qur'an 31:15 and 29:8 say not to obey parents who press you to associate partners with Allah, and Sahih al-Bukhari 7257 gives the general rule that there is no obedience in wrongdoing, only in what is good.

Scholars also distinguish kindness from control. One SeekersGuidance answer explains that parents do not have the right to decide how an adult child lives; another describes them as advisers rather than the final decision-makers on an adult's career. Disagree politely, explain your reasons and keep serving them, because declining an instruction never cancels the duty of kindness.

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With patience, gentleness and practical help. Qur'an 17:23 speaks to exactly this stage: when parents reach old age with you, avoid even a sound of impatience and speak to them graciously. Sahih Muslim 2551a presents their old age as an opportunity for Paradise that a child should not miss.

A SeekersGuidance answer drawing on Shafi'i and Hanafi fiqh explains that parents who cannot meet their needs are entitled to support from children with money beyond their own family's needs, covering food, clothing, shelter, medical care and help at home, shared between able siblings. It adds that parents are not required to live with a particular child; what matters is the most practical arrangement that meets their needs. Carers need support too: in England, the NHS explains that anyone caring for a relative can ask the local council for a free carer's assessment.

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Kindness to parents does not require enduring abuse. A SeekersGuidance answer states that the duty to be good to parents does not include enduring neglect, oppression, control or abuse, and that protecting yourself from harm is obligatory; it suggests boundaries, shorter or less frequent contact and good therapy. Another says that leaving an abusive situation is obligatory where staying risks physical harm, and advises documenting incidents and reporting crimes to the authorities.

Once you are safe, SeekersGuidance suggests keeping some minimal contact, such as a message on the two Eids, and working towards forgiveness when you are ready. Do not carry this alone: speak to someone you trust, an imam or a counsellor. In the UK, call 999 in an emergency; gov.uk lists 24-hour helplines for domestic abuse, including abuse by family members, and children and young people can call Childline free on 0800 1111.

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Keep praying for them. Sahih Muslim 1631 says that when a person dies their deeds end except for three: ongoing charity, knowledge that benefits others, and a righteous child who prays for them. The Qur'an teaches such prayers directly, including the prayer for mercy in 17:24 and the prayers for parents' forgiveness in 14:41 and 71:28.

Charity and other good deeds can be offered for them. In Sahih al-Bukhari 2756, Sa'd ibn Ubadah asked whether charity on behalf of his late mother would benefit her; the Prophet said yes, and Sa'd gave a garden in her name. Sahih al-Bukhari 1852 records the Prophet telling a woman to perform the Hajj her late mother had vowed. Sahih Muslim 2552a calls kindness to the loved ones of one's father the finest act of goodness, so stay close to your parents' friends and relatives.

Sources: [19] [1] [8] [9] [20] [21] [22]

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